Mad Musings of a Hentai Mastermind
by Kanna37
Summary: Here we go again. Number 4 in the hentai series of oneshots... can you guess who the mastermind really is? Rating for language and suggestive themes. Tied for First Best Oneshot at the IYFG for the third quarter 2009.


**Mad Musings of a Hentai Mastermind**

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha, and I'm still workin' on tryin' to convince dog boy to run away with me.

---oOo---

Inuyasha flicked a quick, golden glance at the woman he was walking next to, then looked away before she could catch his eyes on her. He was trying to decide on a good groping scenario... it had been several days since he'd had a chance, and he was beginning to get a bit antsy, truth to tell. He always had this problem - he could only manage to go for so long before he absolutely had to get his hands on her... literally.

He had realized long ago that he had a _serious _Kagome addiction, and like any good addict, he'd do whatever he had to do to get his fix. The truth was, he was just as much of a determined hentai as the monk - he was just better at hiding it than Miroku was. He'd done his share of peeping over the years, of course he had, he was, after all, over two hundred years old, and no one, no matter who they are, could stay innocent for _that _long... well, maybe his sweet Kagome could, but...

He'd quickly come to realize, though, that even though he'd done his fair share of hentai things over the years, his innocent Kagome had led him to new heights in creativity. He craved touching her body like he craved air, and ramen, and he'd go _any _distance to get what he wanted. Which led to where he was right now... musing on his next attack on the virtuous beauty walking by his side.

His ears flattened back against his head as he thought about what she'd be likely to do to him if she ever realized what was actually going through his mind ninety percent of the time he was with her. _Keh, she'd probably sit me so hard I'd only get to say hi to Kikyou in passing as I sped by her spot in hell, that's what she'd do. And all these little random thoughts aren't getting me any closer to any of her body parts, either. _

_Feh... we haven't had any action at all lately, no situations I could take advantage of - I'm ready to go find Sesshoumaru and start a fight just to have her throw herself on top of me again... I really enjoyed that one when she did it the last time, that sure was some awesome full-frontal contact... _his thoughts trailed off as a vague smile washed across his face.

_Or maybe... if she'd just sense some shards, or we came across some good rumor about Naraku, I'd have an excuse to carry her. I'd certainly enjoy feeling her thighs tight around my hips - not to mention the chance to have my hands feeling up her thighs; and if I can pull off a 'rough landing' my hands would have a good reason to 'slip' higher..._

He glanced around at the object of his thoughts once again, a slight huff of irritation passing through his lips. _There's gotta be something I can come up with, I'm really hating this whole 'groping famine' thing that's goin' on here. I've gotta get my fix... or else I don't think even Tessaiga will be able to control my raging blood - or is that hormones? Anyway..._

_Maybe, maybe I can get her to sit me in such a way that I'll land in her lap! If I piss her off enough, she won't notice what position I'm in when she says it... oh yes, this definitely has possibilities! _He snickered quietly to himself... not realizing that practically his every thought was already known to the sneaky, not-so-innocent female walking next to him.

_Poor Inu, he hasn't had much of a chance, lately, has he? Maybe I should help him along a little bit. _"Hey, Inuyasha? You know... we haven't accomplished much lately, and no signs of Naraku either - I think I'd like to go home for a few days...." she trailed off, an internal grin widening as he took the bait and started yelling.

"No way, wench! You are NOT going home, and I don't care how hard you beg!" He was trying very hard to maintain a pissed off look, as she'd played right into his hands with this little argument... _silly wench just doesn't have a clue..._

Kagome rolled her eyes, coming to a stop, she sat down right in the middle of the road, and said, "Then I refuse to move another step, Inuyasha. I'll sit here for the next week if you want."

Inuyasha stood right over her and thrust his face into hers. "Listen, _bitch---"_

"Inuyasha! Sit!"

THUMP!

The couple that had been walking behind the two currently on the ground had been watching the whole thing rather closely... and while Miroku was awed at the lengths his friend would go to to get a good feel in, Sango was just as awed at how sneaky her best friend really was. That had been a _total _set-up... and Inuyasha didn't have a clue. He was too busy patting himself on the back to realize that he'd been had.

_Wow, Kagome... you really __**are **__a hentai mastermind... and the sneakiest woman I've ever met!_

Meanwhile, the couple on the ground continued their yelling, both hiding internal smiles, as Inuyasha peeled his face out of her lap, while discreetly inhaling her slightly aroused scent. _Keh. It's a good thing she doesn't know that I can smell that... and that she didn't feel my hard on, otherwise, they'd have to make a new road to go around the hole she'd put in this one!_

Shippo watched the antics of the adults from the back of the group where he'd been walking with Kirara, and just shook his head. _ Do adults ever grow up? _he wondered, as the two on the ground finally stood up, red-faced, and pretending to be mad. Used to such silliness, he waited patiently as they started off again, the so-called 'trip home' completely forgotten.

Kagome glanced over at a sober-faced Inuyasha and grinned to herself as they moved off... _wonder what he's gonna come up with next time that I'll have to help him with? _

---oOo---

**A/N: And there's another episode, (number four, I do believe), of hentai insanity, hope everyone gets a good laugh at the gang, or at least joins Shippo in wondering if adults ever do grow up. Personally, I think that's a question worthy of government research grant money... it's at least as interesting a question as most of the other things they waste money on... and probably just as hopeless, because I don't think that question will **_**ever **_**be answered satisfactorily! Ja Ne!**

**Amber**


End file.
